I can text with my tongue
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
