Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
