how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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