Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She bit a glass in half.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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