There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
