You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
