I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
