dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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