cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
