New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
