so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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