I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
