i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
