is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Boobs speak an international language.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
