I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
