smell my finger.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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