His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
