suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
