what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
