I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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