you guys were way drunker than both of me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
