There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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