I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
