my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
