But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
