sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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