i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
