You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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