In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
