I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
