I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
