Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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