This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
