Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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