sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
