Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
