its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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