Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
