There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
