so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
