tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
