She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
