I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
