i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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