mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
