i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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