this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
