yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
