so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
