I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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