yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
