btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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